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Today we did some learned.
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Love,
Sam
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Haiku Poems for the Modern Lover Pt. 2 (with Sam)
Have I ever told
you how much I love you when
you are not talking
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When I said I was
going out for cigarettes
I wasn’t lying
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But I ran into
an old flame, and she looked great.
You can have the kids
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A dinner party
with your dumb friends from high school?
I’m drinking spirits
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I’m sorry that I
turned on the TV while you were
mourning for your Dad
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But I’ll feel left out
at work if I miss any more
of Breaking Bad
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It must be love, love,
love. Although it could also
be Stockholm Syndrome
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Still think about me?
Well I still think about you.
Revenge fantasies
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I don’t trust that girl
who works at your new office
she wears fake Gucci
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Can we try that thing
tonight? If we do I won’t
tell my friends, honest
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Guess how much I spent
on you for Christmas this year.
Hint: less than last year
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Whatever you do
don’t answer the phone if you
don’t know the number
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I’m worried that it
could be my lover. You two
wouldn’t get along
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I tell you almost
everything, but I have some
secrets, like herpes
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Today I learned…(with Sam)
Today I learned that no matter how many cashews you get in your handful of mixed nuts, it’s not going to bring Kim Jong-il back. We’ll miss you buddy.
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a while ago i learned… (with Matt and guest spot from Joe)
a while ago i learned that my friend Joe doesn’t like the David Lynch album Crazy Clown Time.
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Joe Locke
why is everyone afraid to call this record a pile o’ shit
***[in reference to the David Lynch album Crazy Clown Time - links and names of reviewers have been taken out as not to hurt anyone’s feewings.]***
Matt Monk
because it’s not cool to not like anything david lynch does.
duh.
Joe Locke
can you do a groove guide review and call it album of the year if not the DECADE ???
hahaha that would rule
Matt Monk
yes.
yes i can.
Joe Locke
HHAHAHAHAHAHAHA you are my hero
Matt Monk
doing a best of the year issue in a few weeks - i’ll be a real wanker about it
Joe Locke
hahahaha yes
if you need any help i am a fucking PRETENTIOUS ASSHOLE i LOVE this album and i think its a “self preserving relic of mankind, a sensual journey into the unknown but also, SELF DISCOVERY”
Matt Monk
love it
“a true journey through the scape of sounds as only one such as lynch could tell… the collective transgressions move through you…”
Joe Locke
hahaha
can you end the whole thing with a haiku ????
DONE
Matt Monk
fuck it might do one in this issue now. it’s too funny.
Joe Locke
also do the whole thing in italics
and shear all the images in it
THE SINCERITY IS OVERWHELMING
Matt Monk
kay here’s what i’ve got so far:
“Could this be the album of the year, if not the decade?
Film artist David Lynch has tried his hand at discovering the scape of sound, and the end result is a true journey that only one such as the creator could have found lurking in the darkest, most warped corners of his mind.
This album as a whole demonstrates its own self-awareness as a self preserving relic of mankind, a sensual journey into the unknown but also, self discovery. The implied purposeful transgressions collectively not only move through you, but with you as well.”
Joe Locke
HAHAHAHAH
keep going more more more
i reckon it should be really long haha
Matt Monk
“Could this be the album of the year, if not the decade?
Film artist David Lynch has tried his hand at discovering the scape of sound, and the end result is a true journey that only one such as the creator could have found lurking in the darkest, most warped corners of his mind.
This album as a whole demonstrates its own self-awareness as a self preserving relic of mankind, a sensual journey into the unknown but also, self discovery. The implied purposeful transgressions collectively not only move through you, but with you as well.
The simplicity mixed with the nightmarish undertones mix and becomes something new altogether. This jumble of ideas finds its way to the surface of itself, intentionally or not.
The end result is something that isn’t entirely new to Lynch fans, but at the same time is also his freshest piece of work to date. While Lynch continues to perplex and confound the minds of visual audiences, here he guides us as filmmakers ourselves when we close our eyes and hear what his musical voice has to say.”
and then give it one star
Joe Locke
hahahahahahahahaha THE ONES STAR IS THE FUCKING CROWN ON THE KING THAT IS THIS REVIEW
I GIVE IT 10 STARS
also put in there about how his music is far superior to his film work or something
like that its good he hasn’t made a movie in 5 years to focus on his true masterpiece etc blahblah blah
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today i learned… (with Matt)
today i learned that some people really don’t care what other people think of them.
i was having my final smoke and coffee outside work before i go on holiday. there’s an Asian massage place on the same street. THAT kind of massage place.
this dude came up to me and asked if i knew where “the massage is”, and i was kind of stumped. his forwardness threw me. i told him it was “just down there”, but he wouldn’t leave and kept asking me. i don’t think he believed me since the entrance to my work is as grotty as the entrance to most “massage” houses, and maybe he thought i was a bouncer. my white and blue woolen jumper is very intimidating, after all.
good on you, weedy little Indian man. you know what’s up.
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today i learned… that Kim Jong Il died (with Matt and Sam)
Matt Monk
I think fullers ferries must have a bit of a perv in HR or management because all of the girls that work on board look similar so I’m guessing that if it’s a guy doing the hiring, he has a type.
although it could always be a perv lesbian. I don’t want to double strike out with the feminists when I say that I think a man is in management and that women can’t be perverts.
got a cool morning bus trip story for me?
Sam Wieck
Sexual politics is dangerous. Maybe they’re doing it on purpose to fuck with people, like that movie where there’s a house full of Michael Keaton’s.
Saw Hannah. Might be a stretch to call that a cool story. Only other notable part of bus trip was sneaking a fart.
Prediction: North Korea attacks South Korea, becomes pretense for war between America & China, New Zealand caught between two lovers.
Matt Monk
Bizarro Prediction: North and South Korea become one, initiating the age of The Great People’s Republic of The Great Big Korea, or TGPRTGBK for short.
America, feeling the impending doom upon herself, gets drunk and sleeps with China. They both wake up in the morning not sure how they got there or what happened, but there is a tiger in the bathroom and they have to go see Mike Tyson or steal Justin Bieber’s jumper or get George Clooney’s lucky underpants or something.
Meanwhile, the United Kingdom declares that the monarchy is over and they will fall into a state of anarchy… for 15 days. This was initiated by Prince Harry as he manipulates his family into thinking it’s a good idea, but secretly he knows that after the 15th day there will be a revolt against the returning crown and anyone with royal blood shall be put to the slaughter house - conveniently enough he has booked a flight overseas and knows that he’ll have the sympathy card up his sleeve so he can bone whoever he wants to.
New Zealand falls into a debt hole, much like a k-hole, from throwing to many festivals and gigs over the next three months. No one really cares.
Australia becomes a republic. No one really cares.
Russia tries to take advantage of the world chaos, but foolishly the powers that be in Moscow overlook the rioters on their front doorstep.
Kim Jong Il laughs from his underground bunker alongside Charlie Kaufman, Elvis Presley and Eva Braun. FYI, Denzel Washington brings them their month-long rations every third Tuesday of the month, because he can keep a secret.
And that, my friend, is how you predict something.
Sam Wieck
You really should write horoscopes.
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2012 Blockbusters (with Sam)
Space Jerk
Danny McBride plays his one character, but in space. I can hear some of you cringing at the thought, but it will be great. His one character is still funny I think? It’s also a scientific fact that dick jokes in space are funnier than they are on Earth. It has something to do with electro-magnetic fields. There’ll probably be jokes about weed too. At least Andy Daly might be in it, which is always a good thing. Hell he nearly made Paul Reiser’s doomed return to television palatable.
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Sizzle Man
There’s been a lot of average-Joe-goes-superhero films lately, but this one is cooking with gas. Soux-chef Jack Burns (Taylor Lautner) gets into a heated situation an attempted flambe, only to discover he can control fire. Now Jack has to decide how to use his powers. Even though everyone knows it’s going to be for good and the decision will hinge on a false dilemma. Yeah when I said cooking with gas, what I meant was, it’s as entertaining as lighting a fart on fire.
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Pig In A Blanket
People have been talking about this movie all over the cinephiloblogosphere. Much like Jokin Phoenix’s I’m Still Here no-one’s sure how seriously to take this film. All I know is, fake or not, a documentary following Kevin Bacon’s attempts to nail women and find happiness in his post-career, alcohol-fuelled spiral downwards is going to be worth the $16.50.
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The Brake Down
Jennifer Aniston and Ryan Reynolds co-star in this romantic romp through the world of the DMV. Belle (Aniston) and Everett (Reynolds) are wannabe writers trying to make ends meet at the Department of Motor Vehicles. When slimeball agent Max (Vince Vaughn) starts playing them off against each other to see who’ll take the lowest advance in order to land a deal, stuff will happen and it won’t be satisfying for anyone in the audience.
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Nerves of Steal
Capitalising on the reimagineered heist/comedy crossover, Hollywood are throwing together another hacky ensemble cast who are going to try and steal something. Do you want to guess what it is they’re stealing? It’s you’re hard earned money. But listen, if you really want to watch Jeremy Piven, Jon Cryer, Damon Wayans and the ghost of Corey Haim try and steal a diamond, go ahead.
Theme: Linear by Peter Vidani
